Understanding Rejection Sensitivity: Why Some People Feel Rejection More Deeply

Rejection is a part of life; everyone faces it. But for some, even small perceived slights like a missed call or a quiet response feel intensely personal. This heightened reaction is called rejection sensitivity (RS). Here’s what it looks like, why it happens, and how to cope.

What Is Rejection Sensitivity?

People with Rejection Sensitivity (RS) aren’t simply “too sensitive.” They experience the world in a way that constantly scans for signs of rejection or disapproval. This heightened sensitivity makes everyday social interactions feel emotionally risky.

For someone with RS, a delayed reply to a message might trigger anxious thoughts like wondering whether they said something wrong or assuming the other person is upset. A neutral or flat tone of voice from a friend or colleague might be misread as anger or disappointment, leading to guilt or withdrawal. If they're unintentionally left out of a conversation or a group activity, it can feel like personal rejection, even if that wasn’t the intent.

Mild feedback or constructive criticism might be taken very personally, causing intense emotional reactions that others may not understand. Many individuals with RS also tend to over-apologise or go out of their way to please others, driven by a deep fear of disapproval or being disliked. These responses are not signs of weakness; they are often rooted in past experiences where love, acceptance, or safety felt conditional.

Why Does It Happen?

RS often has its roots in early life experiences. When a child grows up in an environment where love, attention, or approval feels uncertain or inconsistent, their developing brain adapts by becoming hyper-aware of social cues. For example, if a child is frequently criticised, ignored, or punished for expressing emotions, they may begin to internalise the belief that something is inherently wrong with them. This creates a lasting fear that others will also judge, reject, or abandon them.

Similarly, experiences like childhood bullying, emotional neglect, or being the target of unfair comparisons can make a child feel unsafe in relationships. In these situations, the brain learns that rejection is likely, even in neutral or safe contexts. As a result, they carry this lens into adulthood, where even subtle signs, such as a neutral facial expression or a short message, can be misread as disapproval.

Over time, this hypersensitivity becomes a coping mechanism. It’s the brain’s way of trying to protect the person from further emotional harm. However, what once served as protection can later become a barrier to trust, connection, and emotional well-being. People with RS often long for acceptance but may find it difficult to believe they truly belong or are genuinely valued.

How It Impacts Daily Life

• Misreading Social Cues
  People with RS often interpret neutral or vague behaviours as signs of rejection. For instance, if someone says “I’m busy,” it might feel like “They’re ignoring me” or “They don’t want to talk to me.” Even everyday things like a delayed reply, a change in tone, or someone looking distracted can be seen as disapproval or dislike, even if that wasn’t the intention.

• Emotional Spikes
  These misinterpretations can lead to sudden and overwhelming emotional responses. A person might quickly feel intense sadness, anxiety, shame, or anger, even in situations that seem minor to others. These emotional spikes are hard to control and can feel like emotional whiplash, leaving the person exhausted or embarrassed afterwards.

• Defensive Behaviors
  To protect themselves from perceived rejection, individuals with RS may react defensively. This might look like pulling away from others, giving the cold shoulder, lashing out in frustration, or shutting down emotionally. These responses aren’t meant to harm others — they’re survival tactics to avoid further emotional pain.

• Self-Fulfilling Cycle
  Sadly, these defensive reactions can lead others to actually distance themselves. Friends, partners, or colleagues may feel confused or hurt, which in turn confirms the person’s fear of being unwanted. This creates a loop: fearing rejection, reacting defensively, pushing people away, and then feeling rejected again.

• Impact on Relationships
  RS can make it hard to feel safe in relationships. The constant worry about what others think can lead to over-apologising, people-pleasing, or avoiding closeness altogether. A person may not express their needs or concerns out of fear of “rocking the boat,” which can lead to resentment or emotional disconnection.

• Mental Health Strain
  Living with RS can take a toll on overall well-being. The emotional ups and downs can contribute to anxiety, depression, chronic stress, low self-esteem, and social withdrawal. Many people with RS also struggle with self-blame and harsh inner criticism.

RS Is a Trait, Not a Diagnosis

Some people are more vulnerable to RS based on their life experiences or mental health conditions, but it’s important to understand that it exists on a spectrum. Here’s how it relates to certain conditions and why it’s more common in some individuals:

• RS is especially common in people with:

  • Anxiety Disorders
    People with social anxiety or generalized anxiety are often hyper-aware of how others perceive them. They may overanalyse interactions, worry about being disliked, or feel intense distress at the thought of being judged.

  • Depression
    Low self-esteem and a persistent sense of worthlessness in depression can make people more likely to interpret neutral or minor feedback as confirmation that they’re unlovable or a burden. This creates a heightened sensitivity to perceived rejection.

  • Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
    A core feature of BPD is an intense fear of abandonment or rejection. People with BPD often react strongly to even small shifts in someone’s behaviour or tone, which may trigger emotional outbursts, withdrawal, or impulsive actions. For them, RS can be extremely intense and destabilising.

  • Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
    RS is also very common in people with ADHD, often referred to as Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) when the emotional reactions are intense. People with ADHD may struggle with emotional dysregulation, making them highly sensitive to perceived rejection. They may experience overwhelming feelings of hurt, frustration, or anger in response to any sign of disapproval. This sensitivity is amplified by a history of feeling misunderstood, criticised, or unable to meet expectations. Difficulty with impulse control also means they may react impulsively, lashing out or withdrawing in ways that later feel out of proportion to the situation.

• However, anyone can experience RS. This is especially in those who have gone through painful experiences such as bullying, trauma, breakups, or growing up in an emotionally invalidating environment. Even without a mental health condition, a person may still be very sensitive to signs of disapproval or exclusion.

• It’s a trait, not a disorder. RS is better understood as a personality or emotional trait. Like traits such as perfectionism or introversion, RS can show up differently in different people and doesn’t always require a diagnosis to be addressed.

Rejection Sensitivity in Malaysia

In Malaysia, where collectivism is a dominant cultural value, social harmony and group acceptance are prioritized. This cultural context makes individuals particularly attuned to social cues and vulnerable to feelings of rejection. Any perceived sign of exclusion (e.g., a delayed response or a shift in tone), can feel like a threat to one's sense of belonging. This sensitivity is especially pronounced among younger individuals, who are still developing social skills and emotional regulation.

A recent study among Malaysian undergraduate students revealed that 35.6% had mild social anxiety and 11.8% had severe social anxiety. These findings highlight how many young people in Malaysia may be particularly sensitive to rejection, especially in social environments where conformity and acceptance are highly valued. This can result in fear of rejection that affects daily interactions and social experiences.

However, RS remains largely under-researched and under-recognised by mental health professionals in Malaysia. While conditions like anxiety and depression are becoming more widely understood, RS is not a primary focus in mental health training or therapeutic practices. As a result, many therapists may overlook RS as a factor in emotional struggles, leading to misdiagnosis or under-treatment. This gap in understanding, coupled with Malaysia's cultural pressure to conform, makes it even more crucial for therapists to integrate RS into their practice, taking into account the complex interplay of social context and emotional sensitivity.

How to Cope

• Pause and question
  When feeling rejected, take a moment to assess if the rejection is real or if your emotions are amplifying a neutral situation. Often, RS causes us to misinterpret neutral cues. Asking yourself this question can create space to avoid jumping to conclusions and help you react more calmly.

• Reframe your thoughts
  Challenge negative thoughts by reframing them. Instead of assuming someone is rejecting you, consider alternative explanations like “They might be busy” or “They could be stressed.” This shift in perspective can reduce the intensity of your feelings and break the cycle of negative thinking. Mind Wave’s therapists can help you develop these skills and provide support in reframing emotional responses.

• Lean on support:
  When emotions are running high, talking to someone you trust can help you gain perspective. Our therapists are skilled at providing external reassurance and helping you challenge distorted thoughts. They can guide you to see things more clearly and reduce emotional overwhelm.

• Stay present: 
  Stay grounded in the present moment and avoid the spiral of anxious "what-ifs." It teaches you to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment, reducing emotional intensity. At Mind Wave, mindfulness techniques are integrated into therapy, helping clients build emotional resilience.

Final Thought

Rejection Sensitivity (RS) can feel overwhelming, but with the right strategies and support, it is possible to manage and reduce its impact on your emotional well-being. At Mind Wave, we offer a compassionate and experienced team of therapists who are experienced in helping individuals navigate the complexities of Rejection Sensitivity.

Through personalized therapy, Mind Wave provides a safe space to explore these feelings, build healthier coping mechanisms, and improve emotional resilience. If you’re struggling with Rejection Sensitivity, Mind Wave is here to support you on your journey to emotional well-being.

References

• Ehrlich, K. B., Gerson, S. A., Vanderwert, R., Cannon, E., & Fox, N. A. (2015). Hypervigilance to rejecting stimuli in high rejection sensitive individuals: Behavioral and neurocognitive evidence. Personality and Individual Differences. Advance online publication.

• Gao, S., Assink, M., Bi, C., & Chan, K. L. (2024). Child Maltreatment as a Risk Factor for Rejection Sensitivity: A Three-Level Meta-Analytic Review. Trauma, violence & abuse, 25(1), 680–690.

• Gao, S., Assink, M., Cipriani, A., & Lin, K. (2017). Associations between rejection sensitivity and mental health outcomes: A meta-analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 57, 59–74.

• Isa, R., Norsabri, N. A. M., & Zamri, N. A. M. (2021). Social anxiety and the quality of life among undergraduate students in UiTM Puncak Alam Campus. Healthscope, 4(1), 13–19.

• Zimmer-Gembeck, M. J., Gardner, A. A., Hawes, T., Masters, M. R., Waters, A. M., & Farrell, L. J. (2021). Rejection sensitivity and the development of social anxiety symptoms during adolescence: A five-year longitudinal study. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 45(3), 204–215.